The big bad joke

Oh, hello ma’am. Is this, um, the Red residence?

Oh, good. Good. You don’t know me, but I know your granddaughter, Little Red.

Yrs, I know that I’m a wolf. But the good kind. No relation to the Were Clan.

Well, not long, really. We just met today. But we kind of got off on the wrong foot, and I was wondering if you could help me straighten things out. See, I want to play a little joke on Little Red, but I kinda need a little help.

No, no. Nothing like that. It’s a bit more, um, involved. See, I need to…no…I’d like to, ahem, eat you.

Now, now just hear me out. You see, in addition to these freakishly big ears and eyes, I’ve got a freakishly large prosthetic stomach, and I’d like you to hide in it.

What’s that?

No, you can’t see it first. It’s inside, like a real stomach, but not. You’d be perfectly safe in there, I promise. The woodsman And I have done this before, and it’s always a gas. Especially with the little ones.

Yeah, that’s him over there, with the axe.

Well, he’s going to use that axe to cut you out. Also, he is a woodsman, so axes are kinda his thing.

No, no, it won’t hurt. Like I said, it’s kind of our shtick. Works great with kids.

Well, once your in there, I’m going to dress in your clothes and pretend to be you. I know, I know it sounds strange, but when Red comes, I’ll eat her too.

What’s that?

No, not at all. You’ll see I’m very gentle. Besides, prosthetic stomach, remember?

Well, then there’s the stones and…I really don’t want to spoil the fun, granny. Let’s just say there’s a lot of flopping and laughing by the time we’re done. Trust me, this is going to be one for the books. What do you say?

(dtn)